


Could Do Without

by paintsplatteredteardrops



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintsplatteredteardrops/pseuds/paintsplatteredteardrops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry doesn't know if he can take another Twitter outburst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Could Do Without

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take”, Harry said brokenly, pressing his palms against his temples. “You’re ruining yourself, and you’re ruining me. I lose sleep over this stuff, you know that.”

“It’s not my fault”, he said, more forcefully. “You know it’s not me who writes those things. You know I would never say those things about you.”

Harry let out a frustrated grunt and turned on him. “But you let them, Louis, you let them. You let them fuck with people’s perceptions of you, you let them control what you say, how is that any better?”

“So you don’t have to”, he yelled. “I do all of this for you and the lads. You’re all that matters.”

“You let them drag you threw the mud, and me and you along with it, and you’re telling me you do it for us? Why don’t you just tell them to stop, Lou? Tell them to just say nothing at all?” Harry was crowding him now, his hot breath tickling his nose, which was only a breadth of an inch away from his.

Louis knew Harry was right, but he was in a stubborn mood, so he pushed him by the shoulders (gently, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t be rough with Harry), and turned around, trudging across the room to fiddle around nervously with the objects on his dresser. “It’s not that simple, Harry”, he muttered, followed by a deep sigh. “Too many people are suspecting. You know how they feel about that stuff.”

Harry let out a strangled cry, turning away and pressing his hand against his forehead. “I can’t do this. I can’t watch you do this to yourself.” His voice was hoarse, weak, and sounded just plain exhausted.

Louis’s chest ached. “Well, what are you gonna do then? Stand up to them?” He shrugged his shoulders sarcastically, in a gesture toward Harry, and felt his heart twist even further at Harry’s grimace. He wasn’t trying to make fun of him, but somehow, whenever they fought, he seemed to come off that way.

“No”, Harry said, chuckling bitterly. “No, because it’s not my job to do that. They don’t control me, because I don’t let them. I say what I want to say. You could have agreed to that, Lou, but you didn’t. You chose to let them do this.” His voice began to even out, and he stared at Louis with a blankness so alien it made Louis want to crawl into a hole and die. Harry looking at him like that would never be okay, and he never wanted to see it again. 

Harry bit his lip, cutting Louis off as he opened his mouth to speak. “I thought I could do it. Watch you with her, listen to you talk about her, all that. I thought it’d be all right, as long as you never said anything about us. I handled it really well. I hated it, I hated not being able to, like, tell people how I felt and stuff, and not being able to hold your hand, but I could handle it. And I did. But this is the second time, Lou, and it’s not even just about how I feel. They’re making other people feel like shit, for seeing something everybody else refuses to. And they think it’s coming from you. They love you, and they think you hate them. You’re letting people think that when you know it’s not true. That’s why I can’t do this anymore. It’s not just for my sake.” He sniffled loudly, wiping his nose on his sleeve and shoving his hands in his pockets. He looked tired and sheepish.

Louis sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly, attempting to collect himself. His heart was pounding, and his face felt as if there were a dozen flamethrowers being blazed in his direction. “So… what are you saying then?” His voice sounded weak even to his own ears, trembling, causing him to stutter his words.

“Let’s just make it easier, and have there be nothing to hide, yeah?” Louis thought he heard uncertainty in his tone, but his eyes betrayed that; he looked set in this idea.

The room was silent for several moments, Louis staring forward so intensely Harry felt he was staring through him. His eyes flickered toward the ground. He looked as if he’d just gotten stabbed in the back. When the silence dragged on too long, until it was past the point of awkwardness, Harry ran his fingers through his hair and turned around.  
“I guess I’ll leave then.” He moved forward to grab the door knob, and was startled by the sudden sound of quickened footsteps and a strong pair of arms around his waist.

Louis hugged him from behind, pressing his face against his back and inhaling deeply, memorizing the smell of Harry and melting at the feel of his warmth. Tingles shot up and down his arms, sending a fluttery feeling through his body. It never seized to amaze him that, even after all the time and all the shit he and Harry had been through, he was still capable of unleashing a scatter of butterflies within his stomach.

“I can lose fans”, he whispered, muffled by the fabric of Harry’s shirt. He pulled back a little, pressing his cheek against his back. “I can lose them. I can lose Twitter followers, fuck up my reputation, and lose respect from people, but I can’t lose you”.

He spun Harry around, lifting his hands to grasp his face and pulling it down until their foreheads rested against each other’s. “Don’t do this. If you still love me, please don’t do this.”

Harry jolted backward, knocking Louis’s hands off his head and stared at him sternly. “You know I love you. There is no… still, or used to. I will always love you. Nothing could ever change that.”

“Then why would you just give it up? Give us up?” He grabbed for his hands and held them tightly within his, holding them up and grazing his lips over his knuckles. “It’s been two years. We’ve fought so long and so hard, why would you give up now? We can’t let them win.”

“But you are though”, Harry said softly, relinquishing Louis’s grip on his hands and using one to palm Louis’s face. “And I don’t know if I want to watch you do that. If we just gave it a rest, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to be so defensive about it.”

There was another long pause. Louis stared at the ground intently, rolling his bottom lip into his mouth. When he lifted his gaze to meet Harry’s, whose hands were now rested on his waist, he took advantage of the close proximity and kissed him, long and slow and languid.

“I love you. I love you so much and I’d rather lose all the money we’ve made in the last two years and every fucking record sale than have you lose your faith in me. I need you to be with me, I need you to look at me like you never want to turn around and not have me be right behind you, I just. I need you. If it means that much to you”, he grabbed his hands once again as he said this, “I’ll say something about it. I don’t like reading those awful things any more than you do. Especially when I know they hurt you this much.”

Harry was closed to tears again.

“I’ll try, Harry. I promise you. I just want to see you smile again, and if this is what it takes to make that happen, I’ll do it. I’m not sure it’ll work, but I’m not gonna go down without a fight.” Louis’s eyes bored into Harry’s, so sincere and so full of promise that there was no way Harry could feel any doubt.

They lunged forward simultaneously, pulling their bodies together and wrapping their arms around each other’s backs. Harry, despite the fact that he was much taller than Louis and would probably be most comfortable resting his chin atop Louis’s head, leaned into Louis’s neck, his mouth finding the soft skin there and pressing warm caresses into the surface.

Louis clutched at Harry’s jacket, burying his face in his curls, causing a low sob to rise in his throat. It barely managed to escape as Louis inhaled the soft lavender of Harry’s shampoo, his skin relishing the soft, gentle tickle of his curls. “I love you”, he repeated, stroking his back.

Harry returned the gesture, smiling softly against his neck. “I love you too”, he whispered, pulling him even closer.

“Promise me you’ll never scare me like that again? You know I can barely function without you.” He muttered the last bit, attempting to lighten the mood and make it more playful.

“I promise, as long as you keep yours.” 

They pulled apart and eyed each other. Louis nodded assuredly, before smiling and leaning into kiss Harry once again. They signed against each other’s lips, hands roaming every graspable region, before moving backward, and falling onto their bed, their legs in a messy tangle. They continued to kiss, slowly, more of an embrace than a dance, neither making any moves to change course.

“No sex tonight”, Harry murmured, when they pulled apart for air. “I just want to touch you.”

“Okay”, Louis replied after a moment, before leaning back in and kissing him softly. 

Everything was so much clearer to Louis. He could do without the fame, and he could do without the fans, but he couldn’t be without Harry.

He wouldn’t let anyone hurt him ever again, even if it meant going against what was expected.

Because at the end of the day, when it all came down to nothing, there were only three things that really mattered to Louis.

His family.

His boys.

And his Harry.

Especially his Harry.


End file.
